Closure

This morning I had my two week follow up appointment and as I expected I did miscarry. I think there was a tiny part of me that hoped this was all a bad dream and things would be fine but seeing an empty uterus put an end to that quickly. My doctor was great and supportive, said no surgery was needed and as soon as I get my first period, we can try again. That was my silver lining to what has been a long two weeks. It is kind of ironic that today was a bright and sunny day. It has been raining here since Saturday and today I woke up to blue skies and the sun shining. It was also raining the day I lost the baby. I'm taking it as a sign that things will get better and we will get pregnant again.

I was doing pretty good this week until last night. I was at a meeting for a women's group I belong to and as my friend and I were walking out she says to me "So when are you due?" I lost it and told her I had a miscarriage. She had a miscarriage when she first started trying to have kids and now she has two beautiful babies, a boy and a girl 15 months apart. She just hugged me tight and let me cry. After I pulled myself together, she told me to let her know how the appointment went. I cried some more on the way home and got a pit in my stomach about today. I emailed her and let her know what happened and she wrote me back and said her little peanut greeted my little peanut when he/she arrived in heaven. I lost it for a bit and she even sent me beautiful flowers with an angel in them. I will put pictures in at the end of this post.

So for today I am allowing myself to cry, get angry and figure out what I am feeling. I bought myself some of my favorite cheese and a bottle of wine. Tonight when Ayden goes to sleep, I will enjoy a glass with some cheese and crackers. Tomorrow is a new day and I will begin the process of moving on.