Beginning on March 25th, I started to spot. I was a little worried but it is a totally normal happening and it was brown or pink, so no cause for concern. Then April 1st there is red blood. I call the OB office and the nurse says since it is still to early for an ultrasound I needed to do blood draws that day (Friday) and Sunday. They would look at the levels of hCG (the pregnancy hormome) and the number should rise on Sunday. It should actually double. I would also be 7 weeks pregnant on Sunday. So I go and get blood drawn Friday. I hate getting blood drawn because they have a hard time finding veins on me, luckily I only had to be pricked once. I called the OB later on Friday because I was passing some clots and was concerned. She said that was a good sign and that my results were back, my hCG level was a little over 4000, which is very good. Saturday the bleeding increased and I was having some cramping. Called the on call doc and she said if I am doubling over in pain or bleeding through a pad in 15 minutes I needed to go to the ER. I wasn't and was once again relieved at the answers. Sunday morning (April 3rd) comes around I am more optimistic even though I'm bleeding more. I just had a great feeling that things were going to be fine. After I get back from the hospital we go to a train museum and lunch. When we get home I got some bad cramping and thought it was gas pains. So I go to the bathroom, change my pad and go downstairs. I decide after 15 minutes to check my pad because something isn't feeling right. I pass a huge clot and the pad is soaked through. We are now making a trip to the ER.
We dropped Ayden off at my mother-in-law's and get to the ER around 4. When I get out of the car I look on the seat and there's bood. They took me back right away and the lab tech comes in to draw 4 vials of blood-ugh! My arms are so bruised it is horrible. The ER doc doesn't see me until 5:30 and says he'll do a pelvic and then I need an ultrasound. He doesn't come back to do the pelvic until around 6:30 and it was the most uncomfortable 10 minutes of my life. We got great news, my cervix was closed! The ultrasound tech comes and gets me soon after, we start the scan and she points to where the baby should be and there is nothing there. Then she moves around a bit and sees a sac and there is our baby. Not where he/she should be but there is a baby there. She does her required scans and then goes back to where the baby is. She moves around and we see our baby and we see the heart beating! She was so kind and we asked if this could be a viable pregnancy and she said she doesn't know. We got back to my room in the ER and wait for the results. Around 8:30, the new ER doc who I liked much better gave us the news. The baby's heart was beating at 144bpm and was in my uterus, just not where he/she should be. The baby was also measuring 6 weeks and a few days. The doctor basically said it is up to my body and the baby what will happen. The baby could move to where they need to go if they like being there or things could happen and I would have a miscarriage. I was to be on bed rest and call my OB to make a follow up appointment. We have gone though so many emotions in the 6 hours at the ER and are thinking this baby is a fighter and we will do whatever we need to for this baby to be carried to term.
Monday comes around (April 4th). David stayed home from work to take care of Ayden and me. I stayed in bed and rested and he brought me breakfast. I getting ready to call my OB and they call me. My Sunday numbers went up to 5300-something, that isn't double and they want me to come in for an ultrasound to see what is going on. I tell them about my ER visit and they can access those records. I make an appointment for 1pm. We are still optimistic at this point. My OB comes in and we just sit and talk before she does her thing. I love her, she is the best and really takes time for her patients. We were probably in there for 45 minutes. Basically she told us we are playing a waiting game and since her equipment is not as good as the ER, we need to come back in two weeks for a follow up ultrasound. She tells us what I already know-60% of pregnancies don't make it out of the first trimester and of those 60%, 90% of the babies have a genetic defect and that is why they do not survive. So if you stop and think about it, getting pregnant and keeping the pregnancy to term is a miracle. We were hoping to be that miracle. She also shared her experience that she had seven miscarriages before she had her now 15 year old daughter-seven! She also told us that men and women react differently to miscarriage, it is all right to mourn and that her husband really didn't understand what she was going though. David agreed with that statement, it is happening to my body, so I am bit more emotional than he is. However, he loves me and his concern is about how I am handling things. She told us nothing can prevent a miscarriage if it is going to happen and whether I sat on my butt or ran a marathon, if I was going to miscarry, I was going to miscarry. So the bed rest restriction was lifted. She also told us if we miscarry that I most likely won't have to have a D&C and we can try again after one complete cycle of my period. She did her exam and said she thinks my cervix is opening. She still had me go to the lab and do all the pregnancy blood work-6 vials of blood.
April 21st is our next scheduled ultrasound and I know what it is going to show. Nothing. I am 99% sure the baby passed Monday night. My heart is breaking and while I know it is not my fault, I wonder what I did wrong to cause this to happen. Did I do something bad and this is my punishment from God? Isn't having baby #2 supposed to be easy? Why, why, why? I want the answer to a question that has no answers to give. So yea, April kind of sucks right now. But you know what? I have a wonderful husband who brought me a beautiful plant home today and just kissed and hugged me and let me cry on his shoulder. Thanks D for putting up with my mood swings and crying and all the stuff that isn't too fun. You take great care of me and I love you. I also have the most perfect boy that makes me smile through my tears and makes me grateful every day. If he is the only child we ever have I will be happy because he is pure joy. My greatest wish is to give him a sibling and hopefully one day that wish will come true. For right now our journey to child #2 has taken a detour and we are along for the ride.
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